Putting my inner most feelings out there for everyone to see actually meant that people spoke to me more about it and not just in a 'oh I feel so sorry for you' way. I had people contacting me and tell me about how they have suffered with infertility and decided to adopt and how they had felt then and how they now feel and everyone I spoke to about it, adoption seemed to make sense a little more to me.
I spoke to someone at work who is in the process of adopting at the moment to ask how it had been for her, she was so enthusiastic about it that as soon as I went home I spoke to Matthew about it, we agreed that we should try to find out some more about it, so we emailed the local council adoption service and asked to speak to someone about it. We were there for over an hour talking, hearing about the stages of the adoption process and asking questions when we came away I didn't even need to ask Matthew if he wanted to do it I could tell by the look on his face that he was as excited about it as me. We talked all night about things we had never allowed ourselves to talk about, about what it would be like to have family holidays in Cornwall, about school Matthew would be in charge of helping with Maths and I would help with English, I could teach them to bake and Matthew could teach them to play the cornet. We also just both felt it was the right time we'd done our grieving and had two years enjoying being together and our relationship has gone from strength to strength but now this is what we both want.
It was like a weight had been lifted off us, everyone I've spoke to whose adopted has said that they thought of the process a bit like a pregnancy, this time is to prepare for having a family and I feel exactly the same way. Since deciding to adopt I haven't felt sad for not being able to give birth to my own children just excited for the life I can give to an adopted child or children.
The next day telling family and friends about our decision was a wonderful experience, seeing how happy our family are and how excited everyone is for us was amazing. I also felt quite emotional that I could at last talk about all these feelings I'd be suppressing about being a mummy.
The adoption process could take 6 months or longer, we are eager to get started and we have our first home visit this week. We have worked hard for the past two weeks, the house looked a bit like a bomb site we had dry rot in some of the floorboards downstairs so we had to take them out and replace them. We decided that whilst we were doing this we might as well do some much overdue decorating that needed doing. We are still not completely finished but we have done so much in this time that in the past would've taken us much longer, because it's given us a purpose, a need to get it done and the reward at the end of it all will be a family!
Thanks for reading,